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Thursday, April 24

Do Over

There is this little singing show called 'American Idol', heard of it? Well, I was never a fan. I am not a fan of the TV in general. {that is another discussion} Skip's parents came to visit and they hooked us on this show {for this season only, I mean you become a slave to this show, two nights a week, It's crazy} Anyway I digress, The thing is, this girl on the show, I will call her Brook, started singing this song and then stopped, because she forgot the words. She started back up again and sang the whole song this time. There was this huge controversy as to whether you should be able to have a "Do Over" when you are performing in front of a live audience. Some said yes, arguing that this is your one chance to show the world what you can do and if you have to try again you should. Some no absolutely not, you should be able to move through the mistake, find your bearings and move on. Some people felt she will for ever be known as the contestant that stopped and started over on national TV. Is there some sort of redemption here? After singing the whole song can't she be remembered instead for a wonderful performance or will her mistake forever follow her?

The real question for me out of this whole fiasco is a little different and happened on a smaller more obscure stage. The stage of Laurene and Sam's life. And I am wondering is there redemption for me as a Mother. We all make mistakes and sometimes I think we are allowed a"Do Over", hopefully.

First of all, I feel like Sam is continually getting the short end of the stick. He is quite steady, so most things roll off his back and he resumes life with a smile. Last night Sam had Cub Scouts. I had a Relief Society presidency meeting. We scheduled the meeting at this time because I would have to be at the church anyway. Sam and I walked into the building { we were three minutes late} I noticed several of the ladies were in the room starting the meeting. I felt I needed to hurry, but I wanted to walk Sam to his meeting to make sure he was comfortable and safe. As we walked down the hall I noticed the scouts were in the gym. They were having a pack meeting. Usually the pack meetings are on the fourth Wed night of the month. This had been changed. Sam was supposed to receive his 'Bobcat', the first big award for a cub scout. At the previous meeting he was supposed to get it, but the leaders forgot about him. Before the meeting we had spent a lot of time talking about how great it was going to be and how proud we were of him and then, he didn't get it. He was very disappointed. I told him don't worry next month we will get it and it will be great. When I say we I mean as the mother every time your scout gets an award of rank, you go up and your son pins an award on you for helping him. My kids always have a big smile and look of satisfaction. They give you a big kiss and a hug, it is a big deal.

I pondered as to what I should do,I thought well, I will just go back to my meeting tell them what has happened, and then go to the pack meeting. I would hustle back to the Pres. meeting after 'Pack'. It didn't quite happen that way and I ended up staying in my meeting too long. By the time I got back to the Pack meeting it was over. {25 min later} I missed Sam getting his Award. He had no family there. They asked him to bring up his mom so he could pin my award on me. He explained that I wasn't there and then they said what about your dad. Not here either.{ Usually the whole family comes, but we didn't know} They gave him his first award all by himself. I missed it. I knew immediately when I walked in the gym and they were putting the chairs away. My heart sunk. Sam's face was all I needed to see. I almost started to cry {I rarely do} I told Sam I was so sorry I missed it. He said he was upset, but now he was OK. UPSET, I guess so. I went back to finish out my meeting. Sam sat in silence.

After my meeting I took Sam for a fresh drink and a chocolate bar. I know it doesn't make up for what happened, but I was trying to do something. I told him next pack meeting we will have them give the award again so he can pin my pin on me. A "Do Over"? Is this OK? Will Sam be scarred for life, because stuff like this keeps happening? Will he always remember Scouts and how his mom can't get her priorities straight. Hopefully I can be redeemed next time.


Maryann said...

I think we all need a "Do Over" once in a while or sometimes everyday. I know that I struggle with the how is this going to affect my kid, and do I need to set aside extra money for therapy, syndrome.
I say ease up on yourself. We all want to be super mom, but we can't. If we could we would all be making 100k+ a year, our kids would be ahead 3 or 4 grades, straight A students, our houses would be immaculate and our husbands would be happy all the time. This is not reality.
We make mistakes. We miss important events. Sometimes we miss birthday's. If you have explained real life to your kids and how time management doesn't always work they will understand.
I think you (Laurene) are to hard on yourself sometimes. You need to just let go of the stress sometimes. Your kids will be fine. They know that they are loved, that you care about every aspect of their lives, and that you want the best for them.
You learn lessons through life. One is that sometimes you have to do things on your own. That could be getting on the bus to go to school, not turning in a paper on time, or not having your mom at an important cub meeting. You figure it out and move on to the next lesson.
Let your kids learn, sometimes there will be tears, but other times there will be smiling and pride.

Laurene Ross said...

I am a bit of a worrier, Hmm I wonder were I acquired this skill. I will try to relax and let the lives fall where they may. Really, do you believe that? I don't think so. I'm sure Sam is fine. It's me that has the problem. I will work on loving, but not to death. I will let them live with ups and downs. I will watch them fall and try to cheer from the side more and not from underneath their feet. I do however believe in natural consequences, just not when the Natural consequence is me.
I need to plan better and I need a serious calander. Can you believe it I keep everything in my head with all my other personalities. No wonder I have issues. Some one in my head hides all the appointments I need to be at.

Cristy said...

I couldn't say it any better than Maryann! You need to relax on yourself! I can tell by reading your blog that your taking yourself and what you see as flaws way to serious! You need to let some of the stress go as Maryann said. Sure you feel guilty and so do all of us as Moms, but life doesn't have to be so planned! Your kids are going to have different personalities than you thought, maybe that "fresh drink" and candy bar made it up to him! Your kids know that you love them your with them 24/7 and maybe that is where you need to have some "You" time! That might take off some of the stress! I know it sounds impossible but it's really not! It will make you feel better when you get home after a movie or treat by yourself for yourself! Perfection is not attained in this life! Just my 2 cents!

Suzie Soda said...

Well remember when I gave Denton the stuffed bear that I thought was a gorilla...not the real monkey he wanted for 2 years. I still laugh about it now. And he turned out pretty good.......now I am another story:)
Saying your are sorry and doing the treat thing is HUGE....teaches him many things. Maybe you could do a big fmaily home evening and make a big deal out of his reward......and talk about making mistakes, repentance and expressong our feelings to others.Tell him again how sorry you reslly are.
The he will remember it forever...in a BIG, positive way. Kids are very forgiving. Now forgive yourself. You do a million great things and this one mistake.

Beth said...

You're a great mom, Laurene. It gives me hope that someone like you makes mistakes as a mom too... I always worry that I am scarring (sp?) my children. But I do think that genuinely saying sorry and making it up does mean a lot... And you've done a great job at that. BTW: If you figure out the secret of keeping your schedule in your brain as well as all the personalities... let me know!!
Take Care, girlfriend(s)!

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