Sam

Tonight Sam had A Cub Scout activity. They met at a pool to work on their swimming belt loop. Sam had already earned his and did not know why he should go{ he is so by the book and he thinks so linear.} He did go and got pretty excited about it as I drove him over to the pool.

I walked him up to the pool and watched as he walked all alone into the pool. Something inside me said follow him. I did not listen. I am with my kids allot and I am trying to give them experiences without me. I thought this would be a good one.

They had the boys jump into the deep end and swim 20 feet, touch and then back. I know Sam can do this, as he did it in Utah for his swim teacher. He panicked and got out . After telling his Cub Master his head hurt he sat down and there he sat for the next hour and a half. He told me he asked if he could call me , but they told him I would be there at the same time regardless of the call so they did not have him call me. I was sitting five minutes away in the pool parking lot.

I came in the pool looking for a boy that I would have to drag out. Scouring the pool I saw many boys splashing and having fun, but no Sam. Finally after chatting with another mom for a couple of minutes, I saw out of the corner of my eye Sam walking toward me dry and head hung low. It had been a miserable time for him. I could see tears well up in his eyes, but they did not fall.{Sam is not one to show tears, he will hold a dam back with his sheer will} I was sad for him.

He wanted to play his game boy , but I said turn it off so we can talk. I asked him about his feelings and how he could have made different choices. He said all the boys were going off the diving board and the water slide and he is not comfortable enough yet for either. I told him that he had gone down several slides that were bigger than the one there and he was fine with it. He seemed to cheer up a little, realizing that he had many success in the water this summer.

I hate this part of parenting. I just want my kids to be normal kids. Have fun and enjoy life. I feel sometimes that I haven't given them all the opportunities I should have. I know they have to fall to get stronger, it is just tough watching it. Sam seemed Okay when we arrived home. I think he takes his bumps in stride. It is me that doesn't.