......on calming down and 'The Friend'

Sundays mornings are usually a little hurried around here. You would think that having church at 10:00 am, one could get it together and one's family and arrive prior to the church meeting starting. I don't have a baby or a toddler in diapers. My kids for the most part can get themselves ready. I am getting close, in fact I usually make it right down to the wire, so the meeting hasn't technically started. Skip has a meeting every Sunday before church and saves us a good seat right up front....nice:) Sometimes, I am even in the building setting up the Primary room and I am still right down to the wire. This year I set a goal to be early. I wanted to sit and listen to the prelude music to prepare for the rest of the Sabbath.

This Sunday started out pretty good. I got up and started to get ready for the day. I realized I was in for stormy weather when I went in for the umpteenth time to tell my boys to get out of bed NOW and looking at the clock, it read 9:15......dang. " Let's go guys. We have about a half an hour to go." I said sternly and without a smile. They complained that they were hungry and cold and everything else under the sun. I retorted back with," I am sorry, you should have gotten up when I asked you a while ago." To which they gave the pat answer," I know, I know." { This answer bugs me to know end. If " YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW" then why don't you do it.}

I still didn't have my make-up on and my hair was wet. I put my hair up and proceeded to put my make-up on in stages, first a little make-up, then a little child prodding, then a little more make-up, then....you get the picture. It was going extremely slow. By the time we had people mostly ready....I thought all ready....I asked,"Did you brush your teeth?" { I had asked them to do this all morning, as they all have breath of a thousand dragons. To which they responded, "No, we haven't had anything to eat yet." "I am sorry. No, time to eat. Next time get up when I say and you may get to eat." { ....yes, I know Mother of the Year...} They run upstairs to brush their teeth....in their shoes.{I have white carpet people.} This does not sit well with me, but I DO bite my tongue.....all except Blake.

All of the sudden I hear "The Whining" starting up.....I despise "The whining." "Blake," I say,"Do you have your shoes?" ......."I can't find them." Whines Blake. My level of calm is decreasing by the Milli second. I take off my shoes and run up the stairs to find him lying on his bedroom floor disheveled, looking quite unhappy. "I can't find my shoes and you were the last one to touch them." he says to me........{ Now, I am not sure why Blake, who has lived with me for eight beautiful years does not understand, I don't like to be blamed for things that are lost. I put things back where they go.} "You lost them." he says with fierce determinism and fire in his eyes.....

UH......I loose it. I see the clock it is 10:08.....we will be missing the most important part of the meeting in just a couple of minutes, The Sacrament, and here I am on my hands and knees, in hose and a skirt, scouring the boys bedroom looking for one lost shoe, as we had found the other. I start ranting and raving........ "I tell you guys all the time put things away where they go and they will always be there when you come back, But you don't listen." " This room is such a mess. I don't know how you ever find anything in here.""Why do you need all this stuff?" " You can wear you gardening boots or your tennis shoes" { I walk out of the room and Blake whales "NOOO"} I come back and start looking again." If I find this shoe under this bed and you said you looked there I am going to freak out!" { Like I am not already. } The clock reads 10:20. We have missed The Sacrament. I then proceed to tear the whole room apart.....by the way Jack is in his bed this whole time. He is sick and watching or peeking at this debacle from under his covers.

The room is 10x10, not huge. As I pull the bed away from the wall and proceed to pull everything out, I say in a rather cold, stern voice,"We are not going to Sacrament Meeting." Blake freaks out. Sam tells me how it is not his fault and he should get to walk to church. Claire just looks crushed and Jack, again, is hidden under a heap of covers. I back up into a corner of the room and survey the damage. I am breathing hard and my anger is raging. I look down at my feet and see the missing shoe. I pick it up and throw it into the hall. I step over the heaps of boxes, Lego's and various other toys, Pulling up my skirt so I don't catch it on anything, to get to the hall. Blake yells,"It is Jack's fault. If he would pick up his stuff I wouldn't have this problem."

....{ I wish I could have laughed here....it would have been a good place.} I raise my voice and say,"Blake, they are your shoes." I slowly whisper or hiss whichever..," Put them away where they go and we won't have this problem." " Everyone, down stairs. We are going to eat breakfast."I vigorously conclude. Sam says," Aren't we going to church?" " Yes, But not to Sacrament. I missed the most important part and I don't want to walk in 30 min late. Sit down and eat." Sam resists. " Eat."I say very sternly. Claire starts to cry. I pour the milk for Blake and Sam sits down grudgingly. I go pick up Claire......We sit on the couch for a few minutes and I rub her back.

What can I do?

I have run the Spirit right out of my house. My kids are all upset. I am on the verge of a break down....not really......maybe? I say," Blake, why don't you get the friend and bring it over here. Let's read some stories from it." Sam is having none of this." I want to go to Sacrament meeting. I like the talks. When Are we leaving? I can walk." Sam says resolutely. I say in a much calmer tone," Sam, it is 10: 40. We are beyond late. Come and sit by me and listen."..... Blake comes and cuddles up next to me and Claire is on my lap. I start to read. The first story is about the Scriptures and how they can bring comfort. The next story { Sam is inching closer to us to see the pictures} Is about resisting temptation and being willing to say no. { Sam is next to me.} The next story is about how we can remember our relatives even after they are gone. The last story is about being friends to someone that doesn't speak our language. The song 'Give Said The Little Stream' sung in Spanish was the center of the story. I got all choked up when I read it. The Spirit was back. I told Blake I was Sorry and hugged him. I hugged Claire and Sam. We left for church.

No one at church knew what had happened. I felt lame when in sharing time one of the leaders asked about a particular talk that was given in sacrament meeting and if any of the adults remembered a detail from a story that was told. I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders. { Sam was right the talks are important.} Through music and lessons that were taught the Spirit calmed my soul. I felt it and I am sure my kids did. As we walked out to the car, Blake gave me a big hug and said," I am sorry mom. I love you." "I am sorry too. I love more than you know." I said.

We came home and ate popcorn and oranges. Blake grabbed a handful of old Friend magazines and asked if we could read more. We cuddled up in my bed and read from The Friend for a while...that is until I started to fall asleep, started slurring my words and saying gibberish. Blake pulled the comforter up over my shoulders and said he would just look at The Friend by himself next to me. Claire fell asleep on the other side of me and Sam and Jack were reading in their rooms. It was quite and still and calm. Perfect.

I love these guys. Sometimes I really mess up. I am so greatful for repentance, forgiveness and our Savior that makes all these things possible. Next Sunday I will try agian.